I wanted to post this last week, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it quite yet. At my job, I work as a teacher (uncertified, so really I’m like a youth instructor or recreations leader) for Kindergarteners and 3rd Graders. It’s a really interesting job. It takes a lot of energy out of you at the end of the day, but when it boils down to it, I find it quite fun and I learn a lot. I have been having some difficulties, but everyday I find a new way to fix a problem! That’s a good thing.
I decided to post this letter today after months of deliberating because I feel like I’ve gotten to that point in the semester where I am starting to feel a little stuck. A lot of people around me are feeling in a rut and not feeling particularly motivated to study as hard as they normally would and are experiencing some regrets with what they’re doing or how they’re doing it. With this letter, I would like to bring back the memory of high school where our worlds were not the same as they are now and how someone could be such an influence to our simple minds.
This particular teacher helped me so much. The big difference she made guided me in the next school and I remember her kind words to this day. She mostly made an impact on me because she was the only teacher in a very long time who didn’t treat me like shit (pardon my language) and that made me feel like I had a purpose and was not useless or stupid!
So with that, here is my diabolical thank you letter…
It’s been a whirlwind. I’ve suffered heartaches and headaches through the years – each taking too much time to heal. I have struggled to find myself and have hurt people doing so. My dreams still keep me awake most nights, and nightmares asleep.
Despite all this – my journey has taken me so far; by some perspective.
I came home, I’m acclimated, and pleased to be here. I was a fresh water fish in a salt water pond – slowly struggling to breath. You knew all along that I was not where I was supposed to be. I smiled anyway and laughed with jokes I did not understand. You gave me words of encouragement and discipline that helped me learn such a thing. So I left.
Now I express myself with sincerity and passion. And I thank you.
Eyes that were once grey and dull, are now bursting with life and a thousand shades of blue glisten in the sunlight when I look up to the sky. I look up to see you, I know that you can see the same sun and the same moon that I do from wherever on this earth you are standing, and every time it rises, I hope to receive a message that you see me and that you are proud of what it is that you see.
Perhaps you cannot see. Perhaps my hope that you are proud of me is not plausible and that you are blind to me. Do you remember anymore? It was many years ago now. It was a long time ago since you stood and told stories of your feline children, and your human children, and your husband. You understood me then. Do you understand me now?
I am a writer, ma’am. I try my best to craft words into meaning and metaphors that describe my despondent daydreams and hopeful heartstrings. This you taught me well. With much procrastination and seldom endings, I push through regardless – for one day I’ll write something you’ll see and think, “I did that.” And you did – at least I believe you did. Or maybe you’ll be sitting on your porch sipping tea with the Sunday Times reading the ‘new releases’ section and in small print across the bottom, my name appears and you’ll write to me because you’ll remember me; and I sincerely hope you do.
I suppose this letter was written in vain for one day you would read it and think of me, but perhaps it will leave you thinking me insane for writing a letter to you in the first place. Indirectly so, of course – which I could suppose isn’t in my best interest to do, but I figured if I wrote to you as I am doing, then maybe my worries will wash away. But perhaps you will read it, I suppose it’s possible – and I’d be happy to hear of it.
And with that I shall end my diabolical thank you letter. It’s with great pleasure that I continue my journey in your name. One day, I hope to teach other children to do the same and influence them the way you did me. So – for pushing me, guiding me, showing me, knowing me, and putting me through so much… I thank you for that.
All the best,
Your Transatlantic Friend
Thanks for reading!