It’s a word I learned in high school. At the time, I always lived in the future. I almost never thought about things in the past I’d miss or take for granted. The only things I would bring to the present were memories of running around in the street, dancing with friends I never saw again, playing games we didn’t know how to play. When I learned there was such a word to describe the urge to go back into those pictures we saw in a book, back in time to a place where things were just how it should always be, I suddenly realized what I let slip away. Through my fingers, into my ears, out the mouth! I didn’t try to capture those moments – I just kept walking and never saw them pass..
Somedays I feel the void. The voices in my head telling me that I should have held on so tight to what I once had, what I was doing. I should have remembered my dreams, thought for myself, been aware of my surroundings. To reference a game my friends and I always played – I felt just like a Sim. I was controlled by whomever took the controls, by the wind’s current – taking me wherever it pleased, as I blindly followed.
Nostalgia, a word that described my future.
I am one of those people who pray to go back in time knowing what I know now. I hope for that chance to redo something I should or should not have done. The thought almost determines my next moves, it second guesses me. If I just had that one chance, to make just one change – my life would be right where it should have been. But I cannot change it. All the pictures stay the same, the eyes never fade, history yet remains..
And I know I’m not the only one.
So, here we are, at our prime – the best we will ever be for the rest of our lives. And all we can think about is grasping that one point in time we can never get back. Who says we can’t change it? Who says that the moment we want to amend in the past can’t be redesigned in this moment right now?
We need to learn to remember that part in time, acknowledge it, take it by the hands and embrace it, own it, and then dismiss it – crumble it up and toss it. Do not let it dictate your future. To reference a commonly spoken phrase – “Just do you and keep at it.”
Thanks for reading!